After four hours of sleep, I leaped out of bed. This is most unlike me. I have often expressed my admiration for both of our cats, one of whom parks on a chair in the den, the other of whom likes our bed. They will reliably park in their spots, and I will arrive home six hours later to find them both still there.
Those lazy little freaks have a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.
So, the hungry part is a lot easier to solve than the angry part.
(Hungry? Eat breakfast and stop your whining. Angry? Well.....)
The Man's workplace tends to frown upon taking days off at short notice. We were initially unworried, because he has Fridays off, but with the schedule change, he couldn't get this morning off. He has to be at work by 7:30, and it takes 20-30 minutes for me to drive to the clinic. It's technically do-able, if I do all the ferrying.
I don't know if I have mentioned that The Man is in the military, but he is. He has assured me that he can't find privacy at work to complete a sample, not that I would want him to have to do that, but hey.
The morning of the IUI is always a disaster. I end up upset and stressed out every time. Like last month, when it was his day off and he assured me that he would take care of everything, allegedly set his alarm, and then slept through it. Having been awake most of the previous night, and thinking I only had to be awake for my appointment at 10:45, I was in no condition to remind him. I ended up waking up to his swearing at around 9, and we ended up calling the clinic and bringing the sample in late. Then he refused to go to the clinic with me, because he had forgotten that it was the big day and made other plans.
Or the time before that, when we got in a huge fight the morning of- I had given him all the info, what time I needed to leave by, etc., and he didn't remember any of it, so he didn't allot enough time to get dressed for work and do the deed. Or the time before that....you get the picture.
I have adopted a policy of not getting visibly upset, because it just makes things worse, although I am sure that the "internally boiling with rage" reaction that is happening can't be a good thing.
A big part of me feels that his avoidance of going to the clinic with me and his attitude (which, if I am honest, is that of a pissy 14 year old) on "collection day" is some weird passive aggressive thing. I know he wants to have kids, because he is the one who wanted to start trying. Maybe he just can't accept that we need medical intervention?
The thing is, I am spending tons of money, time, and my sanity on this. I have rearranged my entire life for this, and a big part of me resents it that I go through doctor's visits, shots, surgery, ultrasounds, and suppositories, while he can't manage to get out of bed on time and be civil on what amounts to less than one day a month.
Last month, I finally confronted him, and asked, "Do you still want to do this?" And he got upset, offended, defensive (which is worrisome) and assured me that he did indeed want us to have a child together in this lifetime. I told him that if that was the case, he needed to step up, so I could see that he meant it.
So anyway, "collection day" has become a loaded experience...no pun intended. And it seems like we go through this every stinking time, and this time is no exception- with the added complication that the RE's note that I get each month has changed.
Every month we have brought in the sample at 8AM on the dot, and now that I look at this note- 8:30.
Which is totally impossible with our schedule, and I have not one freaking clue what I can do, other than stick a vial in my bra for almost an hour and hope that quality will not be affected. I have already googled "sperm longevity" and "How long do sperm live outside the body" while knowing that my clinic wants it there in 30 minutes, tops. Like Domino's pizza. And of course I can't call them, because even though they show up to the office around 8, they won't answer the phone until nine. Garrrrrrrgh!
My only other option is to show up at 8AM anyway and force them to let me in.
I just tried going to The Man with these options, and he totally snapped at me. And while I am not going to let myself explode, I am through making excuses for him.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? I'm pretty much at the end of my tether.
3 comments:
I have not gone through said experience. I have gone through " I can't make a sample at the clinic, It's just not romantic" - and avoidance trying to get his S/A done. FUN TIMES .... not (i think i lost 8 yrs of my life yelling, anxiety, crying and flipping out on him) I know other bloggers will come up with excellent suggestions- i will just think kind thought for you hubby to step it up SOON
I hope things went smoothly with your IUI!
I have not had an issue w/the whole sample thing, though getting it to the Dr.’s is very stressful. I think I would literally pick up a couch (ok, maybe not a couch…) and throw it if my DH gave me an attitude, or worse, forgot! Like you said, you have to go through all the appointments, the drugs, the procedures – and once a month, he needs to do one darn thing. So far, it seems like you have had the patience of a saint! Perhaps, if this happens again, tell him again that you doubt his true desire to have kids. If he gets defensive, tell him actions speak louder than words! What would he think if you just ‘forgot’ your appointments, ‘forgot’ to take your injections? Since I have not experienced the same thing, perhaps I shouldn’t be commenting, and I certainly don’t mean to ‘diss’ The Man. I hope everything went perfectly this time with no added stresses.
ps – You mentioned donated meds in a previous post - All my ganirelix last month was from wonderful women who donated it to the Dr’s office! Saved me hundreds of dollars. I too will do the same (if I ever get in that position!)
Ok, thanks ladies. It's so nice to get outside opinions! I constantly ask myself, "Am I being fair and reasonable? Am I overreacting?"
Carrie, I totally appreciate your input. As for dissing The Man, well... he kinda deserved to be dissed, he was being a poop! Let's just say that throwing the couch sounds like something I would think of doing...LOL.
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