I thought I would stick my head in and say hi. :)
So....Mother's Day.
I admit to feeling a little sensitive about it, still. The commercials still give me a pang, and I am putting off looking for my card for Mom until the last minute.
I am not sure if it's the fact that I am no longer injecting enough hormones into my abdomen to kill a goat, or the fact that I have transitioned. But something happened to me today that would have sent me over the edge a few months ago.
I walked into a class of second-grade kids, and the teacher was, obviously, expecting. Par for the course so far.
As I set up, the kids were putting the final touches on their Mother's Day presents- cute collages of drawings and photos, and the stray thought crossed my mind, "I wonder if I will ever get one of those."
I have learned to nip thoughts like that in the bud. That way lies madness.
The class was actually really fun- second grade is just the best age ever! We did our experiments, and talked about what we learned, and I asked for questions.
A little girl raised her hand and asked if I was pregnant. At this point, I started wondering if someone had it in for me, because...hello?
Ironically, nobody has ever, EVER asked if I was prego before. Thank God!
The logical part of my mind was still working overtime, and inspired by the look of horror on the teacher's face, I just laughed. I know it was a combo of factors- the teachers' pregnancy, plus my lab coat is freaking huge on me now. Operation Hot Momma is still going strong. Thanks to thirty pounds lost, I need to put some darts in the front of my coat! (This incident may inspire me to actually do it.)
The fact is, I have never ever even had a positive pregnancy test. The idea that it may happen is getting to the point where it is laughable- and that was my reaction!
I just flattened my baggy coat against my tummy, and said, "No, sweetie. My coat is just too big for me. But it would be cool if I had a little Mad Scientist in here, wouldn't it?" The kids (of course) thought that was hilarious, and we moved on.
It wasn't until I got out to the car that I realized how devastated I would have been a few months ago. And I have to admit, it stings a little, but surprisingly, I am OK.
That's just surreal. I am OK.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Bury a silver teaspoon under the rowan tree together with a lock of your hair under the waning moon.
Just an example.
Easter went well. Nobody is more surprised than I am. Mom and Dad still have made no reference to the fact that I am 20 lbs. lighter. Heh.
Towards the end of the weekend, my mother said, "Hey, there's some info that my beautician wanted me to give you."
I was puzzled, since I have never met this person. "Um- does she want me as a client?"
Mom looked....uncomfortable. "No, it has to do with something else."
At this point, I realized that it must be something to do with my continued babylessness.
I ended up going back into her room with her, and she handed me a piece of paper with some names on it. Not doctor's names. The name of a lady at the health food store.
"My beautician says that her friend was in her forties, nothing wrong with either of them, and nothing was happening, and she saw this lady, and she gave her a supplement, and now they have three kids!"
The feeling this info gave me was...well, indescribable, but I will try.
a. My mom is discussing my ovaries with her beautician?!!
b. Once upon a time, there was a woman who desperately wanted a child, so she went to the village witch, and the witch gave her a seed to plant in the garden. The seed bloomed overnight into a beautiful flower, and sitting in the center, there was a tiny girl no bigger than her mother's thumb. So they named her Thumbelina! (poor kid)
c. I have already tried acupuncture, injections, the mythical Fountain of Fertility (which by the way, has worked for someone else in the interim, but has no effect on me)and at one point, I would have done anything. ANYTHING! Just to get pregnant. I am not sure if I am still in that place.
d. But then, what have I got to lose?
Mom's thoughts seemed to run along the path of D. "Hey, it couldn't hurt, and it's cheaper than IVF," she said, practically.
I don't know what to think. The Man is fairly non-committal about it. And in our general timeline, this would put a pregnancy smack-dab in the middle of the worst possible scenario there is. Even considering that it has a slim chance of working.
The idea of even opening myself up to hope again is daunting. I can tell my brain is protecting itself, and I just can't seem to go there. I know I have to hope and act in order to potentially achieve my dreams, but OMG I have no idea what to think!!!
I am curious, I have to admit. Hopefully it's not---oh, I don't know. Organic whale testicles? The blood of virgins? (It's from the healthfood store, so the virgins would have to be free-range.)
If I get up the guts, I promise I will tell you guys what the magic pill is.
Easter went well. Nobody is more surprised than I am. Mom and Dad still have made no reference to the fact that I am 20 lbs. lighter. Heh.
Towards the end of the weekend, my mother said, "Hey, there's some info that my beautician wanted me to give you."
I was puzzled, since I have never met this person. "Um- does she want me as a client?"
Mom looked....uncomfortable. "No, it has to do with something else."
At this point, I realized that it must be something to do with my continued babylessness.
I ended up going back into her room with her, and she handed me a piece of paper with some names on it. Not doctor's names. The name of a lady at the health food store.
"My beautician says that her friend was in her forties, nothing wrong with either of them, and nothing was happening, and she saw this lady, and she gave her a supplement, and now they have three kids!"
The feeling this info gave me was...well, indescribable, but I will try.
a. My mom is discussing my ovaries with her beautician?!!
b. Once upon a time, there was a woman who desperately wanted a child, so she went to the village witch, and the witch gave her a seed to plant in the garden. The seed bloomed overnight into a beautiful flower, and sitting in the center, there was a tiny girl no bigger than her mother's thumb. So they named her Thumbelina! (poor kid)
c. I have already tried acupuncture, injections, the mythical Fountain of Fertility (which by the way, has worked for someone else in the interim, but has no effect on me)and at one point, I would have done anything. ANYTHING! Just to get pregnant. I am not sure if I am still in that place.
d. But then, what have I got to lose?
Mom's thoughts seemed to run along the path of D. "Hey, it couldn't hurt, and it's cheaper than IVF," she said, practically.
I don't know what to think. The Man is fairly non-committal about it. And in our general timeline, this would put a pregnancy smack-dab in the middle of the worst possible scenario there is. Even considering that it has a slim chance of working.
The idea of even opening myself up to hope again is daunting. I can tell my brain is protecting itself, and I just can't seem to go there. I know I have to hope and act in order to potentially achieve my dreams, but OMG I have no idea what to think!!!
I am curious, I have to admit. Hopefully it's not---oh, I don't know. Organic whale testicles? The blood of virgins? (It's from the healthfood store, so the virgins would have to be free-range.)
If I get up the guts, I promise I will tell you guys what the magic pill is.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Finding your joy
I have been reading a lot.
Specifically, a lot of books about the emotional side of eating, which is something that I have a problem with.
I know what I need to do to lose weight- let's face it, we all do, because we hear about the obesity epidemic every stinking day. Eat right and exercise. And if it was easy, we'd all just do it to shut THEM up.
So in retrospect, the link between the cookies and the progesterone suppositories (back in the day) was simply that my body was saying, "I feel like crap. Give me something to fix it." Well, plus, who doesn't like cookies? Voila! Chocolate and sugar. Problem solved, for now.
Anyway. One book in particular talks about the joy you get from eating, and how if you get 95% of your joy from eating, but are unhappy with everything else in your life, it doesn't matter what diet you go on, or how many crunches you do. If you want to lose weight, you need to find alternate sources of joy before you start your journey. Otherwise, failure is pretty much a given.
It strikes me that this is applicable in so many different ways than just eating. I have a lot of different coping mechanisms- sarcasm, defensivess, humor. Joy isn't really my go-to emotion when things in one part of my life aren't going the way that I want, and I suspect it's that way for most people.
Another aspect of the whole weight thing is control. Losing weight for other people is something that I have tried before, either willingly or reluctantly. Oddly enough, the fact that it was also something that I wanted was nullified by the desires and intentions of others, somehow.
Let's face it, when you are 12, and it's your birthday, and someone you love dearly asks if you REALLY want to eat that scoop of ice cream...well. There's that part of you that says, "YES! I want to eat it! And I will eat TWO scoops of it, just to spite you."
Because you know, you're 12, and your eating is one of the few things that you have control over.
If you've ever tried to get a three year old to eat her peas- same basic principle, just in reverse. You can rationalize, you can bribe, you can threaten, punish, and plead, but short of child abuse, there isn't really any way to make her do what you want, and she knows it. She is in control, and that is probably the only situation in her life that she has control over.
If you read parenting blogs, you know that this is a common problem, and the kid learns that their parent is so desperate to keep them from getting scurvy that they'll try anything to get them to eat something besides peanut butter on Saltines.
But I digress.
My point (I do have one) is that Operation Hot Momma is my way of finding my joy, and my way of saying that I do have some measure of control over my body. Nobody suggested this, nobody said I had to do it or die of heart disease.
Feeling like I can control anything about my body after dealing with IF is a welcome change. I didn't feel like my body belonged to me for a long time. I threw vitamins and hormones into it, kept alcohol out of it, stuck it with needles, subjected it to blood tests, and at the end of thing, I just felt like my soul was chained to a big piece of meat that didn't have anything to do with me.
I don't feel like that anymore. Thank God!
I am slowly finding more things to be joyful about. My relationship with The Man. My ridiculous pets. My job, and the kids that I love. The adventure we are about to embark on in the Bay Area. Writing. Dancing. Driving the convertible with the top down.
I am also learning not to avoid the things that freak me out. I have wasted a lot of time doing that, and missed a lot of opportunites because of it. I try to ask myself why something is bothering me so much, and sometimes, the answer is so ridiculous or shocking that it just ceases to be a problem.
A month ago, my whole family got together (for the first time since the Thanksgiving debacle) and I was...well, on edge. Predictably, it didn't go well. I will spare you the gory details, but the worst of it was that a couple my parents were friends with came up, got introduced to all of us, and proceeded to gush about how they now had three grandchildren, who were just the best thing ever. And I felt everyone's eyes on me, and predictably, I felt like a huge disappointment.
Then I thought about it later, and the reason I felt so awful wasn't really because of IF. It was that I felt like I was disappointing my parents(again). It was totally about keeping up with the Joneses (or whatever their names were, I can't remember.) It was also about how everyone was looking at me like I was a time bomb ready to go off, and ohmigod, they must think that I am crazy.
So I wasn't worried so much about the actual baby thing. Just my parent's potential involvement in the Grandparent Olympics and what other people were thinking about me, neither of which I have any control over. Phew!
Clarity is strange. Wonderful, but also kind of scary.
Specifically, a lot of books about the emotional side of eating, which is something that I have a problem with.
I know what I need to do to lose weight- let's face it, we all do, because we hear about the obesity epidemic every stinking day. Eat right and exercise. And if it was easy, we'd all just do it to shut THEM up.
So in retrospect, the link between the cookies and the progesterone suppositories (back in the day) was simply that my body was saying, "I feel like crap. Give me something to fix it." Well, plus, who doesn't like cookies? Voila! Chocolate and sugar. Problem solved, for now.
Anyway. One book in particular talks about the joy you get from eating, and how if you get 95% of your joy from eating, but are unhappy with everything else in your life, it doesn't matter what diet you go on, or how many crunches you do. If you want to lose weight, you need to find alternate sources of joy before you start your journey. Otherwise, failure is pretty much a given.
It strikes me that this is applicable in so many different ways than just eating. I have a lot of different coping mechanisms- sarcasm, defensivess, humor. Joy isn't really my go-to emotion when things in one part of my life aren't going the way that I want, and I suspect it's that way for most people.
Another aspect of the whole weight thing is control. Losing weight for other people is something that I have tried before, either willingly or reluctantly. Oddly enough, the fact that it was also something that I wanted was nullified by the desires and intentions of others, somehow.
Let's face it, when you are 12, and it's your birthday, and someone you love dearly asks if you REALLY want to eat that scoop of ice cream...well. There's that part of you that says, "YES! I want to eat it! And I will eat TWO scoops of it, just to spite you."
Because you know, you're 12, and your eating is one of the few things that you have control over.
If you've ever tried to get a three year old to eat her peas- same basic principle, just in reverse. You can rationalize, you can bribe, you can threaten, punish, and plead, but short of child abuse, there isn't really any way to make her do what you want, and she knows it. She is in control, and that is probably the only situation in her life that she has control over.
If you read parenting blogs, you know that this is a common problem, and the kid learns that their parent is so desperate to keep them from getting scurvy that they'll try anything to get them to eat something besides peanut butter on Saltines.
But I digress.
My point (I do have one) is that Operation Hot Momma is my way of finding my joy, and my way of saying that I do have some measure of control over my body. Nobody suggested this, nobody said I had to do it or die of heart disease.
Feeling like I can control anything about my body after dealing with IF is a welcome change. I didn't feel like my body belonged to me for a long time. I threw vitamins and hormones into it, kept alcohol out of it, stuck it with needles, subjected it to blood tests, and at the end of thing, I just felt like my soul was chained to a big piece of meat that didn't have anything to do with me.
I don't feel like that anymore. Thank God!
I am slowly finding more things to be joyful about. My relationship with The Man. My ridiculous pets. My job, and the kids that I love. The adventure we are about to embark on in the Bay Area. Writing. Dancing. Driving the convertible with the top down.
I am also learning not to avoid the things that freak me out. I have wasted a lot of time doing that, and missed a lot of opportunites because of it. I try to ask myself why something is bothering me so much, and sometimes, the answer is so ridiculous or shocking that it just ceases to be a problem.
A month ago, my whole family got together (for the first time since the Thanksgiving debacle) and I was...well, on edge. Predictably, it didn't go well. I will spare you the gory details, but the worst of it was that a couple my parents were friends with came up, got introduced to all of us, and proceeded to gush about how they now had three grandchildren, who were just the best thing ever. And I felt everyone's eyes on me, and predictably, I felt like a huge disappointment.
Then I thought about it later, and the reason I felt so awful wasn't really because of IF. It was that I felt like I was disappointing my parents(again). It was totally about keeping up with the Joneses (or whatever their names were, I can't remember.) It was also about how everyone was looking at me like I was a time bomb ready to go off, and ohmigod, they must think that I am crazy.
So I wasn't worried so much about the actual baby thing. Just my parent's potential involvement in the Grandparent Olympics and what other people were thinking about me, neither of which I have any control over. Phew!
Clarity is strange. Wonderful, but also kind of scary.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Getting my sparkle back
That's what my friends said when we looked at the pictures we took this weekend. (I finally uploaded one!)
The three of us spent the weekend in Carmel, and we had a fabulous time meandering all over, eating snacky things and knitting, and oh yes, venting. We all covered a lot of territory- One just got emotionally sideswiped by the guy she was dating, the other is going through a divorce and reinventing herself after almost 10 years of marriage. And of course, I have my own issues.
It seems like every time I leave town, I have an epiphany. This epiphany involved my relationship with food, my relationship with my family, my relationship with God, and my relationship with my body. None of those relationships is particularly comforting or healthy, and they haven't been for quite some time. I feel like all those relationships have let me down. No wonder I was such a mess. My faith was gone. I had exhausted my reserves of inner strength, and I know now that I had never felt so hopeless and alone.
It took time in the company of two very good friends to figure that out. I am light years away from the funk that I was in during the unending IF cycles, but I still have a long, long way to go.
The clarity that I experience when I am taken out of my element is somewhat frightening. It makes me think of what that psychic said, about my hometown being a toxic environment for me. Something to wonder about, I guess!
That said, I am closer to happiness than I have been in a long time. I seem to be focusing more on what I have accomplished than what my life is lacking. I am forging ahead in a bunch of ways. And Operation Hot Momma is still in full swing. I am down 20 lbs so far. It helps to focus on my success so far, and not look at the finish line- just focus on what I am doing now, and taking things one small step at a time. If I look at the big picture, I will freak out and give up again, and I can't let myself do that.
There's a lot going on- my job is changing. I am taking on several new challenges, and getting my ducks in a row to go back to school. The Man went up to the Bay Area this weekend, in order to schedule the next six months. It's really happening.
I missed you guys, by the way. Hope everything's going well!
Friday, February 8, 2008
What time is it?
You are the moment when the last bell rings and school lets out for the day. You are resistant to schedules and obligations, so you love feeling like you're in control of your life again. You are the very moment when the second hand hits the 12, and the halls fill with noise and motion. Even if your after-school time is packed with activities, lessons, or a job, somehow, you just feel freer in the late afternoon than you do earlier in the day. Maybe it's all that blue sky and afternoon sunshine? Nah -- even on rainy days, 3:15 is always a beautiful time.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Juno
I went and saw Juno yesterday.
I have to admit, I was a little worried, and some of the scenes made me tense up in my seat to the point that I squirmed uncomfortably. However, I didn't overly abuse my one pathetic Kleenex.
After that random disclaimer, I have to say that I loved this movie. It was hilarious and quirky, and just one of those movies that you walk out of feeling satisfied and vaguely vindicated. And yes, Chris, I want the soundtrack. It kind of grows on you.
YMMV- I am glad I watched it with my girlie buddies, and not The Man. Because there is one part that made me SO MAD at my husband (without the benefit of his having done anything wrong) that I probably would have reached over and pinched him repeatedly just to relieve my seething feelings.
Irrational? Well, maybe. But I guess there is a good reason, because I am in the throes of possibly THE worst PMS I have ever had. I mean it, I woke up with my back spasming two days ago, cramps, you name it, and I was in full attack mode for about a week before that, when any little thing could set me off. Considering that I usually lead a crampless existence, have no mood swings (aside from a little ditziness) and just take a prolonged nap the day before AF arrives, this is interesting news.
I hope you all are having fantastic weekends that don't involve any back spasming. I don't recommend it.
I have to admit, I was a little worried, and some of the scenes made me tense up in my seat to the point that I squirmed uncomfortably. However, I didn't overly abuse my one pathetic Kleenex.
After that random disclaimer, I have to say that I loved this movie. It was hilarious and quirky, and just one of those movies that you walk out of feeling satisfied and vaguely vindicated. And yes, Chris, I want the soundtrack. It kind of grows on you.
YMMV- I am glad I watched it with my girlie buddies, and not The Man. Because there is one part that made me SO MAD at my husband (without the benefit of his having done anything wrong) that I probably would have reached over and pinched him repeatedly just to relieve my seething feelings.
Irrational? Well, maybe. But I guess there is a good reason, because I am in the throes of possibly THE worst PMS I have ever had. I mean it, I woke up with my back spasming two days ago, cramps, you name it, and I was in full attack mode for about a week before that, when any little thing could set me off. Considering that I usually lead a crampless existence, have no mood swings (aside from a little ditziness) and just take a prolonged nap the day before AF arrives, this is interesting news.
I hope you all are having fantastic weekends that don't involve any back spasming. I don't recommend it.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sorry.
Oh boy.
I have written this post a couple of times, and nothing that I committed to typing could sum up what I was trying to convey. Suffice it to say, I don't want to be melodramatic or anything- I am just kind of tapped out.
All of my energy has been going into work. I took over another teacher's classes, so I have gone from teaching 2-3 classes a day to 5 or 6. Several of those are an hour drive, each way. With that and the gym, my time is just getting sucked into oblivion. Also, The Man is finishing college and has started his weekends in the Bay Area, so any free time we have seems to get spent with each other.
Another reason I haven't blogged is that my last post just scared me. I wrote it from a bad place,and it's pretty obvious when I read it that when I say I am content to sit and wait, that's just a big fat lie.
Sitting and waiting is something that I am stuck with. I am feeling that acutely right now, and just trying to pour myself into other pursuits that I can at least have some measure of success with. I am a great teacher, so I am teaching. I am also in great shape for someone my size, and am feeling healthier spiritually, emotionally, and physically, with each passing day.
I can tell that the change in activity level and nutrition is doing something to my body. I am pissed off that I let myself be deluded into thinking that making these changes might be detrimental to my fertility journey. Different fertility indicators have gotten stronger, and that's as blunt as I am going to get. You guys put up with enough from me!
That being said, not much to report. I just didn't feel that it was "fair" to post, because I know how generous you guys all are with your support, and I haven't had any support to give in return. What I really needed was a break, and I took one, and while I am still kinda "meh", I will take "meh" over psychotic and weepy any day of the week.
I missed you guys. How are you doing?
I have written this post a couple of times, and nothing that I committed to typing could sum up what I was trying to convey. Suffice it to say, I don't want to be melodramatic or anything- I am just kind of tapped out.
All of my energy has been going into work. I took over another teacher's classes, so I have gone from teaching 2-3 classes a day to 5 or 6. Several of those are an hour drive, each way. With that and the gym, my time is just getting sucked into oblivion. Also, The Man is finishing college and has started his weekends in the Bay Area, so any free time we have seems to get spent with each other.
Another reason I haven't blogged is that my last post just scared me. I wrote it from a bad place,and it's pretty obvious when I read it that when I say I am content to sit and wait, that's just a big fat lie.
Sitting and waiting is something that I am stuck with. I am feeling that acutely right now, and just trying to pour myself into other pursuits that I can at least have some measure of success with. I am a great teacher, so I am teaching. I am also in great shape for someone my size, and am feeling healthier spiritually, emotionally, and physically, with each passing day.
I can tell that the change in activity level and nutrition is doing something to my body. I am pissed off that I let myself be deluded into thinking that making these changes might be detrimental to my fertility journey. Different fertility indicators have gotten stronger, and that's as blunt as I am going to get. You guys put up with enough from me!
That being said, not much to report. I just didn't feel that it was "fair" to post, because I know how generous you guys all are with your support, and I haven't had any support to give in return. What I really needed was a break, and I took one, and while I am still kinda "meh", I will take "meh" over psychotic and weepy any day of the week.
I missed you guys. How are you doing?
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Bitter
After a minor crying jag, I popped over to I Can Has Cheezburger, and this was the first thing I saw. It doesn't get much more appropriate than this, boys and girls. It at least provoked a burst of semi-hysterical laughter, so maybe I am not that far gone.
I can't really explain why the crying was going on. It just happened. The Man is at work, and I just feel so frustrated and alone and so angry...and once again, there isn't much of an explanation for the angry part.
Chris wrote this post, and voiced the question, "When will something finally be easy?"
That's totally how I feel. Actually, I don't really ask anymore, I just assume that it's not going to be easy, end of story, Amen, Goodbye, Whatever. In fact, it's probably going to be impossible, and why try?
I wonder if so many things came to me so easily in my youth that this business of starting a family is payback for all the easy stuff I didn't appreciate then.
I know this is unreasonable, but it's there, swirling around in my brain with about two million other things.
I start back to work at my primary job on Monday, and I have a really full schedule. The lab coat is going into the laundry, and then it's back to five days of teaching other people's kids about the planets, about polymers, about burps, about fingerprints, and about the five senses. (You see the "other people's kids?" I really need to stop obsessing about that.)
My favorite sense to talk about is taste. The kids get excited about that, because besides yummy or yucky, taste isn't something they really think about a lot. We discuss that there are different areas on the tongue that taste the different flavors of the foods that you eat. We talk about sweet, salty, sour, and bitter, and how they are all different. I explain that bitter foods are usually the ones that kids don't like, because kids have more tastebuds than adults do, so they are more sensitive to strong flavors than grownups are.
Bitter is a flavor that I have never really gotten behind. Coffee is the example that we use in my class, and coffee is something that I drink with so much sweetener and so much milk that it basically doesn't even count as being coffee anymore.
But bitter seems to be talking over my life, somehow, and I hate it. I hate it. I feel bitter and like I am shriveling up inside. There is no Creme Brulee Coffeemate that I can add to make this better. No amount of foam or pumps of syrup or packets of Splenda is going to fix it.
I also feel sour. Sour, like the lemons that I just can't seem to make lemonade out of anymore. Sour, like milk that has curdled, and is only fit to be poured chunkily stinking down the drain, because it was tainting everything else in the fridge.
When I think of salty, I don't think of pretzels or potato chips. I think of tears.
Maybe all the sweetness is gone?
Maybe I caught my limit, and I can't just run out to the store to get more.
Somehow, my emotional taste buds are all effed up, and I have no clue how to fix them.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Shut Up and Drive
Yeah, this song is a staple on my workout playlist. Go Rihanna!
The doggies did great this weekend. I am so proud of them. We kept them on their leashes, since neither of them is ready yet to be able to run free at the beach, and their anxiety about all the other off-leash dogs kind of hampered my ability to take pictures, but we still had a great time. Predictably, Bear plunged right into the ocean, up to his chest, while Bosco delicately avoided the tiny lapping waves. They're so funny. It was a big weekend- first time seeing the ocean, first time experiencing stairs, first time being around so many other dogs.
They did great at Mom and Dad's place. No begging, no "accidents" (well, there may have been one, but luckily mom and dad were out, and they have hardwood floors. I won't tell if you won't!). They stayed off the furniture and hung out on their blanket in front of the fire and just kind of blissed out the whole time.
Considering that the last time my parents saw our dogs, they were slavering and barking and hurling themselves against our sliding glass door, this behavior was a total 180. My parents were actually so impressed with how they behaved that they are getting the Dog Whisperer book for my brother and his wife for Christmas. (We still haven't exchanged gifts yet.)
It was nice getting away, being outside and active, and not having to worry about holiday crap. We had a good, solid, relaxing trip. Yay!
There was a weird moment with my mother. I had picked up a copy of People magazine, with a very PG Jennifer Lopez on the cover. My mom noticed I was scanning the article, and made a face.
"Do you like her?"
"I am just interested. I think she did IVF, so I wanted to check out if the article says anything. I doubt it, but you never know."
"Why on earth did they try to keep it a secret for so long?" she asked. "It just seems stupid."
"Well...I am guessing that she's been infertile for awhile, and maybe had some recurrent miscarriages or something," I said, flatly. "I wouldn't want that whole heartache plastered in every tabloid under the sun."
My mom, who admittedly isn't overly fond of JLo, gave me a look that I can only describe as stunned.
"I didn't even think of that..." she said, and dropped the subject.
I do wish that celebs would be more open abut the fact that they use assisted reproductive technologies. This whole taboo just needs to be gone.
I have been doing a lot of reading- in addition to the Margolis book and the Newsweek article mentioned in the last post, my sister-in-law got me The Golden Compass trilogy, and I seem to have burned through it in two days.
I plan to talk about the Margolis book more in-depth tomorrow, but here's the general consensus: I liked it. It was a very open, honest read, with a a lot of general information about the roads that infertility leads you down. There's a lot of info about surrogacy, which is nothing we have ever considered, but it's what Cindy and her husband did, so that is a perspective that was interesting for me to read about.
I am considering giving it to my mom to look at once I am done with it.
The doggies did great this weekend. I am so proud of them. We kept them on their leashes, since neither of them is ready yet to be able to run free at the beach, and their anxiety about all the other off-leash dogs kind of hampered my ability to take pictures, but we still had a great time. Predictably, Bear plunged right into the ocean, up to his chest, while Bosco delicately avoided the tiny lapping waves. They're so funny. It was a big weekend- first time seeing the ocean, first time experiencing stairs, first time being around so many other dogs.
They did great at Mom and Dad's place. No begging, no "accidents" (well, there may have been one, but luckily mom and dad were out, and they have hardwood floors. I won't tell if you won't!). They stayed off the furniture and hung out on their blanket in front of the fire and just kind of blissed out the whole time.
Considering that the last time my parents saw our dogs, they were slavering and barking and hurling themselves against our sliding glass door, this behavior was a total 180. My parents were actually so impressed with how they behaved that they are getting the Dog Whisperer book for my brother and his wife for Christmas. (We still haven't exchanged gifts yet.)
It was nice getting away, being outside and active, and not having to worry about holiday crap. We had a good, solid, relaxing trip. Yay!
There was a weird moment with my mother. I had picked up a copy of People magazine, with a very PG Jennifer Lopez on the cover. My mom noticed I was scanning the article, and made a face.
"Do you like her?"
"I am just interested. I think she did IVF, so I wanted to check out if the article says anything. I doubt it, but you never know."
"Why on earth did they try to keep it a secret for so long?" she asked. "It just seems stupid."
"Well...I am guessing that she's been infertile for awhile, and maybe had some recurrent miscarriages or something," I said, flatly. "I wouldn't want that whole heartache plastered in every tabloid under the sun."
My mom, who admittedly isn't overly fond of JLo, gave me a look that I can only describe as stunned.
"I didn't even think of that..." she said, and dropped the subject.
I do wish that celebs would be more open abut the fact that they use assisted reproductive technologies. This whole taboo just needs to be gone.
I have been doing a lot of reading- in addition to the Margolis book and the Newsweek article mentioned in the last post, my sister-in-law got me The Golden Compass trilogy, and I seem to have burned through it in two days.
I plan to talk about the Margolis book more in-depth tomorrow, but here's the general consensus: I liked it. It was a very open, honest read, with a a lot of general information about the roads that infertility leads you down. There's a lot of info about surrogacy, which is nothing we have ever considered, but it's what Cindy and her husband did, so that is a perspective that was interesting for me to read about.
I am considering giving it to my mom to look at once I am done with it.
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