Okay. My worst infertility trainwreck ever...not the breakdown in front of all my relatives at Christmas last year, although that runs a close second.
It all started when I was out at lunch having sushi, a little over two years ago, with my best friend. We know each other from college, so we also have a lot of mutual friends who go way back.
One of these mutual friends got married the same year The Man and I did, and she called my best friend, so I was sort of involuntarily stuck eavesdropping to a one-sided conversation.
When I heard the sentence, "Well, what kind of yoga will you be doing? Because there are some poses that wouldn't be safe for...um....things...." I pretty much knew what was up. So did my best friend, who saw the look on my face and apologized and apologized, and as soon as she got off the phone.
"I'm so sorry! We didn't want you to find out this way, but we didn't want to hurt your feelings, and she didn't know how to tell you. It just happened on their first try!"
In her defense, this was before I had said much beyond the fact that we were trying, and there hadn't been a lot of steps taken aside from initial testing and charting and OPK's. And due to really unfortunate timing, it was Day One for me that day.
I got out, "Oh! I am so happy for her!!!!" in a voice ringing with sincerity (because it was the truth). And then I burst into tears. I made several attempts to stop them, but it was impossible, and all that my brain kept saying to me was during those college days, this person had been vocal about never wanting kids.
Because, you know, nobody is ever allowed to change their minds about decisions that they made when they were twenty. I'm such a dork.
That was the first time my best friend had ever seen me cry in the twelve years she had known me, and of course it just made us more embarrassed, and we both felt even worse, and so for some incredibly stupid reason...no, let's face it, to try to atone to myself and to make my best friend feel less horrible for breaking the news like that, and to prove to my mutual friend that I was really exited for her...
I said I would help to co-throw a baby shower for the new arrival.
To be continued...
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3 comments:
oh MY ,...............
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry things had to happen this way. It is so hard to hear someone's announcement, especially when (A) it is a close friend/family and (B) it happens so quickly for them and we are left wondering "why not us?".
Your reaction is so human and natural. I'm glad your friend comforted you in your time of need. That is what friends are for.
It was sweet of you to offer to help with the shower. Don't do anything you aren't ready to do. You should take time for yourself to grieve and come to terms with your feelings. You deserve some time for yourself since you are always so sweet in looking after others. XOXO
fertilize me: Yup...you said it!
Kristen: Awww...thanks chica!
Fortunately, it is all over and done with. But the end of the story is coming tomorrow, and uh...yeah.
Let's just say I learned from the experience!
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