The once-a-month blog

I thought I would stick my head in and say hi. :)


So....Mother's Day.

I admit to feeling a little sensitive about it, still. The commercials still give me a pang, and I am putting off looking for my card for Mom until the last minute.

I am not sure if it's the fact that I am no longer injecting enough hormones into my abdomen to kill a goat, or the fact that I have transitioned. But something happened to me today that would have sent me over the edge a few months ago.

I walked into a class of second-grade kids, and the teacher was, obviously, expecting. Par for the course so far.

As I set up, the kids were putting the final touches on their Mother's Day presents- cute collages of drawings and photos, and the stray thought crossed my mind, "I wonder if I will ever get one of those."

I have learned to nip thoughts like that in the bud. That way lies madness.

The class was actually really fun- second grade is just the best age ever! We did our experiments, and talked about what we learned, and I asked for questions.

A little girl raised her hand and asked if I was pregnant. At this point, I started wondering if someone had it in for me, because...hello?

Ironically, nobody has ever, EVER asked if I was prego before. Thank God!

The logical part of my mind was still working overtime, and inspired by the look of horror on the teacher's face, I just laughed. I know it was a combo of factors- the teachers' pregnancy, plus my lab coat is freaking huge on me now. Operation Hot Momma is still going strong. Thanks to thirty pounds lost, I need to put some darts in the front of my coat! (This incident may inspire me to actually do it.)

The fact is, I have never ever even had a positive pregnancy test. The idea that it may happen is getting to the point where it is laughable- and that was my reaction!
I just flattened my baggy coat against my tummy, and said, "No, sweetie. My coat is just too big for me. But it would be cool if I had a little Mad Scientist in here, wouldn't it?" The kids (of course) thought that was hilarious, and we moved on.

It wasn't until I got out to the car that I realized how devastated I would have been a few months ago. And I have to admit, it stings a little, but surprisingly, I am OK.

That's just surreal. I am OK.