That's what my friends said when we looked at the pictures we took this weekend. (I finally uploaded one!)
The three of us spent the weekend in Carmel, and we had a fabulous time meandering all over, eating snacky things and knitting, and oh yes, venting. We all covered a lot of territory- One just got emotionally sideswiped by the guy she was dating, the other is going through a divorce and reinventing herself after almost 10 years of marriage. And of course, I have my own issues.
It seems like every time I leave town, I have an epiphany. This epiphany involved my relationship with food, my relationship with my family, my relationship with God, and my relationship with my body. None of those relationships is particularly comforting or healthy, and they haven't been for quite some time. I feel like all those relationships have let me down. No wonder I was such a mess. My faith was gone. I had exhausted my reserves of inner strength, and I know now that I had never felt so hopeless and alone.
It took time in the company of two very good friends to figure that out. I am light years away from the funk that I was in during the unending IF cycles, but I still have a long, long way to go.
The clarity that I experience when I am taken out of my element is somewhat frightening. It makes me think of what that psychic said, about my hometown being a toxic environment for me. Something to wonder about, I guess!
That said, I am closer to happiness than I have been in a long time. I seem to be focusing more on what I have accomplished than what my life is lacking. I am forging ahead in a bunch of ways. And Operation Hot Momma is still in full swing. I am down 20 lbs so far. It helps to focus on my success so far, and not look at the finish line- just focus on what I am doing now, and taking things one small step at a time. If I look at the big picture, I will freak out and give up again, and I can't let myself do that.
There's a lot going on- my job is changing. I am taking on several new challenges, and getting my ducks in a row to go back to school. The Man went up to the Bay Area this weekend, in order to schedule the next six months. It's really happening.
I missed you guys, by the way. Hope everything's going well!
2 comments:
i have been missing you and thinking of you for hte past month! I am so glad to hear of this wonderful news! 20 lbs- you go girl!
Keep up the good work
Glad to see an update! And even more glad that you have your sparkle back! I remember when a friend told me that I had lost mine, it really hurt to see how IF had changed me.
It sounds as if all is going well - and 20 lbs! Good for you!!!!
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