Just an example.
Easter went well. Nobody is more surprised than I am. Mom and Dad still have made no reference to the fact that I am 20 lbs. lighter. Heh.
Towards the end of the weekend, my mother said, "Hey, there's some info that my beautician wanted me to give you."
I was puzzled, since I have never met this person. "Um- does she want me as a client?"
Mom looked....uncomfortable. "No, it has to do with something else."
At this point, I realized that it must be something to do with my continued babylessness.
I ended up going back into her room with her, and she handed me a piece of paper with some names on it. Not doctor's names. The name of a lady at the health food store.
"My beautician says that her friend was in her forties, nothing wrong with either of them, and nothing was happening, and she saw this lady, and she gave her a supplement, and now they have three kids!"
The feeling this info gave me was...well, indescribable, but I will try.
a. My mom is discussing my ovaries with her beautician?!!
b. Once upon a time, there was a woman who desperately wanted a child, so she went to the village witch, and the witch gave her a seed to plant in the garden. The seed bloomed overnight into a beautiful flower, and sitting in the center, there was a tiny girl no bigger than her mother's thumb. So they named her Thumbelina! (poor kid)
c. I have already tried acupuncture, injections, the mythical Fountain of Fertility (which by the way, has worked for someone else in the interim, but has no effect on me)and at one point, I would have done anything. ANYTHING! Just to get pregnant. I am not sure if I am still in that place.
d. But then, what have I got to lose?
Mom's thoughts seemed to run along the path of D. "Hey, it couldn't hurt, and it's cheaper than IVF," she said, practically.
I don't know what to think. The Man is fairly non-committal about it. And in our general timeline, this would put a pregnancy smack-dab in the middle of the worst possible scenario there is. Even considering that it has a slim chance of working.
The idea of even opening myself up to hope again is daunting. I can tell my brain is protecting itself, and I just can't seem to go there. I know I have to hope and act in order to potentially achieve my dreams, but OMG I have no idea what to think!!!
I am curious, I have to admit. Hopefully it's not---oh, I don't know. Organic whale testicles? The blood of virgins? (It's from the healthfood store, so the virgins would have to be free-range.)
If I get up the guts, I promise I will tell you guys what the magic pill is.
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