Just Go With It

My appointment on Thursday told the same story. Nada. Zip. Zero. On Day 14.One of the awesome office ladies informed me that per doctor's orders, I was coming back in on Monday, and if there was still nothing brewing, we would be calling Freedom Pharmacy with another whopping order. Dr. Charming is going out of town on a three day weekend, at what could potentially be a crucial time- and he wants all his IVF patients to be taken care of beforehand. So my recalcitrant ovaries were posing a problem.

"Let me get this straight", I said. "So: this three day vacation of his could end up costing us another few thousand dollars? For drugs that don't work on me?"

Sympathetic silence from the other end of the phone. Crap. 

So: the next call I made, in desperation, was to my acupuncturist. Was there anything "Chinese" I could do?  He advised that I take some of the herbs I usually take at mid-cycle- the aptly named "Mobilize". He said he had no clue if they would work, but it was worth a shot.

I also had: I don’t know how to describe it. Maybe an epiphany? I was lying in bed Sunday night, (the night before the appointment)  and The Man was snoring away, and I was just overcome. As awful as all of this is, I am so lucky to have what I have. There are people all over the world who have so much less.  I was just so grateful to be moving forward, and to still have options.  And I thanked God for my blessings, and I thought, “Well, this is it- I will know tomorrow. If there’s nothing, maybe I should just see it as a sign that this is not the time. But if there is something, then I am going to take it and run with it. And be thankful either way that I have the resources to handle whatever happens."

And then I went in yesterday and got the news that things were finally starting to happen. I had one follicle coming along on the left, and two on the right. "Mobilize" evidently did the trick. We agreed that I would take small doses of injectables- just Gonal, no Menopur this time- and hope that I get three shots at it this cycle. Which seems almost too good to be true.

And upon leaving the doctor’s office, walking on air,  I came within inches of being backed over by a delivery van.  One more step, and it would have flattened me. And instead of being infuriated at their negligence, I am just awed at my luck, and grateful that they missed. I can’t help seeing it as a sign, even though that’s a little “woo woo”- I’ve become superstitious after years of dealing with this, what can I say?

Reboot

Here we go again!

Another 28 day cycle. Another Saturday start. At least some things are predictable. ;)

I went in today for the baseline ultrasound. We saw a follicle getting started (on the left, of course) and then discussed the plan. This time, some Clomid, a small amount of Gonal-F the week prior to ovulation, and then the trigger shot- plus some kind of drug that is supposed to serve as "backup" in case my body doesn't want to wait until the appointed time. It locks the egg in the follicle somehow.

I was appalled to see that the drug that serves as "backup" was about $5 out of pocket at the pharmacy.  I realize that my situation is rare but knowing that a $5 prescription could have saved us thousands of dollars, a lot of blood sweat and tears, a month's time, and a few acres of frustration is...well. Infuriating. 

So- Clomid was a doozy for me last time. We will see what we get out of it. I got great results last time: tons of follicles, along with The Crazy. So I will be really careful to avoid any movies containing babies....actually, animals or babies, since both made me cry hysterically last time around. Do Not Want.

The fridge is stocked, the yoga DVD is out, I went to the RE, then acupuncture, then took my first dose of Clomid tonight...so it should be all systems go. Fingers crossed.

The Man said he was looking at SUV's online today, "just in case". It melted my stony, frozen heart. Granted, he was very excited about one that seats 9. I think he may be getting way ahead of me, here. He tried to make the excuse that it was because the back seats could fold down so we would have room for kids and dogs. Uh-huh. 

Home stretch

Sunday, 3 day weekend. 9AM. I was expecting a nurse to show up for my ultrasound. But no: There was Dr. Charming, in his scrubs.

Things are pretty good: Lefty's follicle is now up to 19 plus, Righty is still cooking along: but I was so uncomfortable and it is so far out there, all we could detect is a far-off ovary with a shadowy "something" inside. (Narnia!) We decided that when I am under anesthesia, he will take another look, and move forward accordingly.I am hoping to get more than one follicle out of this, so I guess we will be in suspense until the last possible minute.

Soo- last shot of Cetritide was this morning, trigger shot tonight. It will be the first of three. I have done so many IUI's, but never a retrieval, so this is all new territory for me. I am scheduled for 9:30 AM on Tuesday. Incredibly nervous, and excited.   The Man has been briefed, I think we are ready.

We talked about baby names last night- something we haven't done for years now. This is such a big deal for us both- I hope the gamble pays off, this time.

I need to talk to my acupuncturist- since I will no longer be on any kind of medication, I need to see if there is anything I can do or take on my end, that will naturally help my body do what it needs to do. That should be an interesting conversation...  

Who's Who

OK. After today's appointment, it is looking like Option C.  I still really only have one dominant follicle on the left.

Righty is still ticking along though. The follicle that was at 7 Wednesday is up to 10 today- and it has a teeny, tiny friend, as well. Maybe I will end up with a bonus, as opposed to "too little, too late."  Fingers crossed! Lefty is hanging tough with a 15.

So: Operation Carbonite is launching. I talked to Dr. Charming, and got financial info today. Honestly, it's not that much more expensive....actually less expensive, without the whopping drug order from Freedom Pharmacy. We signed up for a three month tour. Natural Cycle IVF.  Here we go!

I am keeping up with my Cetritide, but tonight is my last Menopur dose- and Gonal-F has been slashed, down to 150 IU's. I go in for yet another ultrasound on Sunday, and then the big retrieval is on Tuesday. Hopefully we can get an embryo out of this. If we do- that will be the closest I have ever knowingly gotten to getting pregnant. Fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I have gotten addicted to Dr. Who. Which is good, because it's very "fluffy" sci-fi- entertaining and distracting, both qualities I require in a TV show at this point. And I can knit AND watch at the same time!

Today is a good day. I want to be out and about- I may actually go out in public and do some shopping!